Without You
by awesomesauce101
Summary: Dean almost dies on a hunt. Again. He doesn't see why it's such a big deal but Cas isn't too pleased about it and it affects him much more than Dean had anticipated.


**A/N: So this kind of uses my other fic 'A More Profound Bond' as a jumping off point, but can be read separately. Basically Cas and Dean are mates (not like that, you guys. Well, at least not in this context) and because of it, Dean can see Cas' halo and wings. **

**I guess it's kind of a sequel thing (even though I said I wouldn't do one, oh well), but I just wanted to write some fluff and Dean and Cas hugs because we're severely lacking in those. **

**Warnings: Very vague-ish spoilers for season 9 if you're not caught up.**

* * *

Dean doesn't even notice or acknowledge his bond with Castiel for a while after it was made. It's something that just kind of _is_ at the back of his mind, nestled there in his subconscious. It only ever really comes to the surface when he prays to the angel or when emotions run high. He doesn't realize that Castiel is the exact opposite and pays full attention to their connection like a sentry. At least, he doesn't until their most recent hunt.

It had been a run-of-the-mill monster hunt. A wendigo this time, up north in some old mines. Simple enough, he assumed. Right up until the point where they were separated while looking for it in the woods. His priority was to find Sam and make sure he's alright when the monster happens upon him and knocks him unconscious.

He wakes up later, how much time has passed, he isn't sure, but he's dangling from the mine shaft by old, rusty chains. He's just thinking that if he tries hard enough, he might be able to break free without hurting himself too badly, when the wendigo emerges through the doorway, looking much too big in the small space. Dean's pretty sure it's sizing up its victims, deciding which one to eat next. When it settles on a thin, blond girl, he shouts to get its attention. And that ends up being both a good and a bad thing. Good because he's bought that girl more time. Bad because he's pretty sure he's going to end up monster chow in the next few seconds. His only real reassurance is that Sam isn't hanging there alongside him.

"Hit me with your best shot," he tells it, kicking out at its legs, because if he's going to die, he's not going down without putting up a fight.

It doesn't care or maybe it doesn't even feel his attempts at fighting, but either way it lets out a screech and swipes downward. Dean braces himself for the blow, thinking _this is gonna hurt_.

And how right he is. It's like someone's stabbing him and digging the knife around his insides for good measure. He can't tell if the screaming is his own or the other's but all he can be sure of is that it's not over yet. His prone position doesn't even allow for him to try and shield himself as the monster takes another chunk out of his shoulder. It hurts like hell, well, maybe not that much, but as long as he stays alive for a while longer he can keep the others from becoming a midnight snack any time soon.

However, that plan about staying alive isn't going too well. His vision is spotty and fading to black at the edges. He wonders if it's a good thing when he stops feeling the pain. Probably not. He allows his eyes to close for a split second and in that tiny second when they're closed, there's a bright flash of light, leaving him momentarily blind when he opens his eyes again. Once he blinks the spots out of his vision, he can see a trench coat and wings and the wendigo on the ground with its eyes burned out. The others that the monster had captured are still there, scared half out of their minds, but essentially unharmed.

"Hey Cas. Nice timing," he says, speech slurred, before finally allowing himself to pass out.

He wakes up in the bunker with no recollection of how he got there. His wounds are gone and he even feels well-rested, like he actually got a good night's sleep for the first time in months. He opens one eye to glance at the clock and, of course, Cas is in the way.

"Cas, you're in the way. I can't see the clock," he says.

"The time is the least of your worries, Dean," Cas replies.

He can't really tell but it sounds like the angel is angry. At what, or who, he can't guess.

"That was stupid and reckless of you," he chastises, and apparently Cas is mad at him.

"What? I saved the girl from getting eaten, didn't I?"

"Yes. And then you got yourself torn to shreds. I should have intervened sooner,"

"I would've been fine," Dean says, even though they both know it's a lie.

"Just because my wings and Grace have been restored does not mean you can get yourself killed on a day to day basis,"

"Fine, I get it, it's a waste of your holy energy to keep bringing me back all the time, right?"

"No, you don't 'get it', Dean," Cas says exasperatedly. "You getting hurt is not something I enjoy. You dying is ten times worse,"

"Look, I don't see what the problem is," Dean says, fully sitting up. If he's going to argue with Cas he'd at least like to look him in the eye.

"I've died before. It's not that big a deal," he adds.

"That's a lie and you know it," Cas retorts. He hesitates before continuing. "And that was before," he adds.

"Before what?"

"Before you were bonded to me,"

"So? What does that have to do with anything?"

"Because I can feel it, Dean!" Cas finally snaps. "I can feel it when you die and it hurts! There isn't a word in the human language to describe how horrible it feels to have your mate die!"

"Cas-,"

"I'm supposed to protect you, Dean. And when I fail, I-," the angel is so upset that he can't even finish his sentence. Dean's never seen Cas so broken up over anything before. It's like a punch in the gut to know that he's the one making his friend feel like that.

"Hey, I'm sorry, okay?" Dean says, reaching out hesitantly towards Cas. He wraps his fingers around Cas' wrist as if to reassure him that he's not going anywhere. He gives a little tug and Cas practically collapses on to the bed next to him. He tries not to let out a yelp of surprise when one of Cas' wings wraps around him and pulls them closer together.

"I'm sorry," he repeats, more softly this time. "I didn't know. I can't promise that I won't ever get hurt again, but I'll be more careful, okay?"

Cas nods and lets out a shaky sigh against Dean's neck. The hunter wonders for a moment if Cas is crying and that makes him feel even worse. He wraps his arms around Cas and just holds him, one hand running through feathers at the base of a wing because he knows it calms Cas down.

"I'm sorry for shouting," Cas mumbles, picking at the fabric of Dean's shirt; it must be something he'd picked up as a human.

"It's fine. I kind of deserved it anyway," he replies.

He can still feel the residual emotions from Cas' outburst swirling around in his mind. Cas is still worried and he only wants to reassure him. He isn't really sure how their whole connection works but he tries to communicate and convey his intentions across it. Whatever he does must work, because the angel relaxes against him and the mass of emotions dies down to a low simmer.

"You okay now?" Dean asks.

Cas nods against his shoulder but doesn't let go of him, nor does it look like he's planning to any time soon, which Dean is totally fine with for once. He absentmindedly kisses the top of the angel's head and keeps petting his wings, a comfortable silence settling over the room.

It's only broken a few moments later when Sam's voice floats through the door.

"Everything okay, guys? I heard yelling," he says.

"We're fine, Sam," Dean replies.

He waits until he hears footsteps retreating until he finally decides to try and pry Cas off of him. He lets go, albeit reluctantly, and they stand.

"We're good now?" Dean asks.

"Yes, we're good," Cas answers, looking much more at ease now.

Dean isn't sure if Cas is just going to go now or he wants to stick around for a little bit. He definitely wouldn't mind the company. Sam can get a little annoying, like all little brothers do, so having someone else around wouldn't be all bad.

"Do you wanna stay a while?" he asks.

Cas smiles and nods his head.

"I would like that very much,"

They spend the rest of the day unwinding, doing things like reading or watching Game of Thrones on the TV. Cas hovers next to Dean most of the time and when Sam looks at them curiously, the older of the two returns the look with one of his own, as if to say _got a problem?_ Sam usually just shrugs after that and goes back to reading his book and for the time being, it's peaceful in their home.


End file.
